Wow, this blog post came to me like a speeding train, and hit me so hard I am actually up in the night because God won't let me sleep for the words flying through my head. I told him I promise I will write it, later. He said no, do it now. I'm afraid of offending someone with this subject matter and that is not at all my intent. Adoption is a beautiful thing, after all it was God himself's idea. Adoption looks and feels different for everyone and what I wanted to address is simply if you are feeling lead to adopt, my ideas on how to choose which route to go, and my own experience with choosing what adoption would look like for us.
I knew from the time I was a little girl that I wanted to adopt from overseas. It was just not a question for me, however once I was married and real life set in I started to research how much a Korean adoption(my country of choice) would cost. I was crushed and discouraged! We could never afford it! So we just let the idea of adoption go for about a year, then I started trying to think of a different way to go about things and I looked into foster care. Guess what, it was free! Wow, how easy is that, we started right into our classes and became licensed foster parents, I spent lots of money on clothes, bunk beds, toys etc and prepared my heart for getting my child. I spent hours day dreaming and waiting for the phone to ring. It never did. My husband lost his job and we had to sell our house and move back in with my parents. Our dreams where crushed and I mourned the loss of my child as if he or she had died. I sold everything and vowed to give up the idea of children. What was God thinking! How could he do this to me? I struggled for years with trusting God, until one day it all became clear. He told me that I was trying to do things MY way, I didn't trust him to provide for our needs, and was trying to take the easy way out. He told us to adopt overseas and I didn't trust him enough to do it.
Fast forward a few years and through a relative God told us it was time, time to trust him and jump into adoption again. Korea slammed shut in our faces and China opened up before our eyes. I was so not comfortable adopting an older child, I wanted an infant , but once again God told me no. An older child it was. I wanted a girl and God gave us a boy. My transition into motherhood was fitful. I didn't do well with it at all, I was depressed and my son was terrified. Many days my tears soaked his hair and face as I cried. There where days I would have just as soon stayed at work than come home to my clingy three year old. But I prayed that God would help me love him and slowly that love came creeping into my heart. Today I can say that I am still reaching new and profound levels of love for my little boy. But I really don't want to go through that again, I really would like to find an easier way, a less painful way. Wouldn't a baby be easier? Surely it would be. I found myself leaning more and more towards domestic infant adoption, I found words like better, different, and easier seeping into my vocabulary as I tried to convince my reluctant husband this was the way to go. Then once again God got my attention, gentler this time thankfully, and he said this, Adoption is hard, period. This is what you where called to, its not easy, but you can do it. I will help you. He gave me a heart for orphans, children waiting for someone to love them, he told me that I have a daughter in China, and even gave me her name( in the middle of the night of course). I'm scared, I'm terrified, and some days I really don't even want to do this again at all.
But this is why I told you that story, I have nothing at all against foster care, I have great friends who foster and I truly look up to them for putting there hearts and lives out there for these hurt kids. I have nothing against domestic infant adoption, I have great friends who went this route to get their children and they are so blessed, in fact I hope God leads me in that direction one day. But for now he tells me this. I didn't ever tell you it would be easy, I told you it would be worth it, and it is!
So this is my advise for anyone who is thinking about adopting and wants to choose which way to go. There are two reasons God taught me NOT to use in deciding which way to go in your journey, one is financial reasons, and two is not which is the easiest way. those are terrible reasons that will lead you astray every time! Ask God to guide you, ask him which way to go, ask him to check your motives, check your own motives, do a little research, and you will know.
There is a little thing I want to bring up, and that is that God commands us as Christians in the bible to care for orphans. What is an orphan exactly, to me it is a child with no parents, and no one who wants them. So I challenge you to ask yourself this. Where is the greatest need? Where are there children who no one is lining up to take. Where are there children waiting to be loved like in countries such as China, Ethiopia, Uganda, Haiti, India etc. Children in our foster care system, older children every where, children born with down syndrome or other special needs. It may not be the easiest route, but it may be the route for you!
No one is beating down our doors asking us to tell our story of bringing home our son, its not a popular story. Its not a story of love at first sight, or of fairy tales. It real life, its hard to hear, people may judge me. But its truth, it happens every day. I pray that the next time there is a new little one under our roof I will do better, be better for her. But no matter what I know that God is with me!
