This and that

It seems like I'm always taking pictures. 

Kai with one of his "favorite girls" Brittany

But somehow I always end up with a ton of weird selfies of Kai and I.

                                             Maybe I should take a photography class...

One of Kai's favorite things to do is to jump into bed with us on Sunday mornings

This summer has been kind of different with everything that's going on.  I have definitely seen some major blessings through it all.  For instance, I have no outdoor work this summer which has freed me up to spend more time with Kai.  Also Reuben has been pretty much out of the equation as for as being around goes, which in itself is a bad thing but has really helped me to focus more on Kai.  We have had so many good times together!  We have picnicked and played on playgrounds and just laughed and played and hung out together more this summer than ever before.

Another favorite is Mommy reading books in bed.

 This past weekend was our annual Raber Campout, it honestly was the highlight of my summers as a kid.  Even though Kai didn't have anyone remotely close to his age to play with it was so awesome to see him having a blast and stretching his wings.  He was so independent that at one point I sat on the blanket with him to feed him a banana split and he cockily said " Mommy, why are you sitting here?"  As if I was cool enough to hang out with him and his "Girls".  Oh yes the teenage/twenty something girls totally stepped up to entertain him and let him boss them around.  He was in heaven!  I also enjoyed having the freedom to let him just run and not have to be hovering over him or have him clinging to my leg. That combined with the awesome weather made for a very memorable weekend. At one point he said "Mommy, I love my family"  The gravity of that statement was not lost on me.

Clowning around Red Foo style in our neon colors and shades

 He is so affectionate and still gets that excited open mouthed grin when you ask him for a hug.  He recently has really taken to complementing me,  It cracks me up.  One day, while staring into my face he said " Mommy, I like your rainbow hair, and your cheeks, and your forehead, and your rainbow eyebrows!" A couple days ago he was barely awake in the morning and he said "Mommy, I like your legs, I like your whole body!" I thought to myself ,well I'm glad someone does! HA  He also told me that I look like Kate Gosselin, not so sure if I was thrilled about that compliment:)  .  I didn't tell those things to brag, it just makes me realize that he is just so darn glad to have a Mommy, and he is going to have a lucky wife someday!

Isn't he a cute girl??? lol

 He is also mouthy, oooooh is he mouthy, seriously this kid is 4 going on 14.  He has discovered the meaning of 'why', and is asking why a million times a day.  While it can get old, I realize it is a normal phase.  He is still having some eating issues, he is just so picky and gags so easily, we just take it one day at a time and do our best to get him to try new things. 

Finally worn out after a weekend of fun at the 40 Acres

We are so ready to move, four more sleeps and we will be in our new house!  Kai is so excited and so far we have seen minimal insecurity and behaviors happening.  The first few nights should be interesting but I think he will do fine in his new room.  As a whole I would say that things are pretty great for us right now.
     This is a little personal, but I need to say it, one of the things I really struggle with as a parent is self doubt, and guilt, and just feeling like I just might be screwing this child up for good. I mean I reeeaaaally struggle with it.  The other night in the middle of the night I looked through all the pictures on my phone,and in my foggy half sleeping state, it was like I was seeing them for the first time.  I saw them almost as if I was looking at them through Kai's eyes, and I realized something.  I am not not perfect, I mess up, I get grouchy sometimes, I might be a little strict at times , BUT my son is happy, I mean deliriously happy.  He loves me, he likes me, and I am the center of his world. So this is me saying something that is very hard for me to say and even believe, I am a good mom....